Matte
by Capie
Summary: This is the sequal to Hana. Sakura continues to struggle with her conflicting feelings and reaches a decision. Li is grief-stricken.


Due to popular demand…here is the sequel to Hana!   
  
Here we go…(I'm not too good at series/sequel writing)   
  
Matte  
Comments are always welcomed at smilie_smilie@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the general Card Captor Sakura story. It's the property of Clamp. This story is written as a past time. No copyright infringement intended.  
  
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Winter had passed and spring was dawning. Flowers were beginning to bud again as lines of bare trees began to flourish with green leaves and red fruits. Creamy white clouds drift casually through the skies as neighbourhood houses began to string laundry lines out. It seemed with the brightening weather, people's moods were also becoming more cheery. Instead of hustling home quickly after class, children hung around in the park to play or make a stop by at local juice and ice-cream parlors.  
  
Tomoeda was a typical suburban Japanese town: tiny individual houses with nuclear families. Few people ever move in and few ever leave. However, Tomoeda was also the home of the world's most powerful sorceress. Though in the past, this small town was constantly plagued by magic tricks, now it was calm as ever. Interestingly, none of the citizens had ever noticed these magical happenings and Kinomoto Sakura, the capable sorceress, for the most part has been able to keep things in check. However, Sakura was not always alone in handling magic; her friends played an important part in it all.  
  
There was Daidouji Tomoyo, her best friend and advisor. More importantly, there was Li Syaoran.  
  
Through the chaos of the magic, Sakura had gotten to be good friends with the quiet, and aloof Li Syaoran. Then sprouting from their friendship was a beautiful relationship that was abruptly paused when Li was dragged back to Hong Kong. He had returned several years later much to Sakura's pleasure. Their relationship had then blossomed to be a fairy tale but now, like everything, has withered away as Li once again returned to native Hong Kong to grieve after the death of his mother.  
  
There were, of course, other factors that led to the decay of their relationship but it was all too complicated.  
  
Oddly enough, even after eight long months, Sakura once again found herself sitting at her windowsill staring at the bright blue sky. Nothing had changed since that fateful day she received the phone call from her beloved. Sakura let out a deep sigh remembering that painful day. Tears began forming in her eyes again but this time, she shook them off and closed her eyes with a deep calming breath. She opened her eyes again slightly letting the sunlight filter through. The weather, unlike her, had changed much since then. The flowers have begun to bud and bloom instead of yellowing and withering. Springtime had always been a cheerful season but this year, spring was painfully slow and annoying. All that cheer and carefree attitude and not one person showing any sign of grief or worry that aches in her heart. She was bitter and jealous that she was the only one not to be able to experience it.  
  
Li Syaoran had left home just two or three days after the death of his mother. He had barely enough time to pack and take of formalities before his departure. Sakura hadn't seen him or heard from him before he left. Perhaps it was for the best. Sakura was certain she wouldn't have known how to react if she was to see him again after their conversation in the park.  
  
Sakura understood Li's words and decision. In fact, if anything, she loved him more after that day. It was then she finally realized how devoted Li was. The only thing she couldn't understand was herself. She didn't understand her feelings towards Li and towards her friends. Taking their closeness for granted, she had forgotten how much she missed him and how much she yearned to be with him. She could never distinguish her love for her friends and family and her devotion to him.  
  
Her friend, who have quickly became a close family associate and now recognized as a permanent part or member much like Tsukishiro Yukito, continued to dazzle her with his endless charm. Even after Li's departure and her brief run into the depths of depression, he had managed to quickly cheer up Sakura. Although Sakura never quite recovered fully from the separation, for the most part, Sakura was feeling fine and calm. Li's departure only forced Sakura to decide her feelings for him and her new friend. She had tried hard to keep her hanyaan under check but to no avail. Much like her reaction to Yukito and Mizuki, she never could contain herself around them.  
  
She loved Li Syaoran. Loved every part of him and wouldn't want him to change a bit ever. Li was enigmatic, quiet, somewhat shy and rude but he was kind. Her relationship with Li was tender and sentimental, inconspicuous but slowly developed like a young budding flower.  
  
Her love for her friend was much like her crush to Yukito: quick, spontaneous, and uncontrolled. The only difference was her attraction to him was unlike that she had for Yukito or her father, she was attracted to him just simply by his the combination of his charms.  
  
For that, Sakura will never forgive herself.  
  
That was entirely wrong: loving someone from first sight. Sakura had decided that for herself days after Li had left. Remembering the sweet sentiment she shared with Li in comparison to the hanyaans she experienced with Yukito, it was clear to Sakura that her relationship with Li was much deeper than surface attraction. It spawned from genuine friendship and companionship. Unlike Yukito, Sakura had never tried to impress Li and yet he loved her so intimately. Her relationship with Li was like little butterflies that flutter by and pass away with small beautiful and gentle warm sentiment. It was delicate and possessed its own inner serenity, sincerity and charm. It was perfection. Hanyaans, on the other hand, was rushed and frenzied. It was a bombardment of emotions and irrational love. The more Sakura thought about it, hanyaan was entirely senseless.  
  
Hanyaan was shallow.  
  
The only problem was hanyaan could not be controlled.  
  
Now Sakura's heart was in a messy tangle of emotional twists: so filled with guilt, grief, and loneliness but yet mixed with a bit of thrill in the prospect of forbidden love as she had always repressed her feelings of love towards another. Sakura shook her head to clear her thoughts again. The idea of a new love sickened her. She had always believed Li was the only one she would ever feel truly comfortable with. The thought that anyone could replace Li Syaoran in her heart was definitely frightening. It made her wonder if her first answer to Li was genuine or simply something she muttered in the heat of the moment.  
  
Heat of the moment…  
  
That was not it! Definitely not! If none of what she felt for Li was genuine, then she would not be haunted by the memories of losing him and her heart would not be plagued by guilt for her hanyaans and her existence would not be consumed by thoughts of him.  
  
Then why love another? Why enjoy the thrill of a new love for the last eight months?  
  
Perhaps she was lonely. Perhaps Sakura was simply meant to be with more than one person. Perhaps Li was a prelude to something even better or a relationship that bears more meaning and more depth than she had ever imagined. Perhaps Sakura simply had been searching for closure away from her card capturing and magic days and Li's departure signified the end of an old chapter and the beginning of a new saga. Maybe, just maybe, leaving Li was the first step to a new happier life.  
  
This was confusing—the contradictory thoughts, the tangle of emotions, the frustration of memories. The weight of it all had finally crushed down upon Sakura's mind and she could no longer bear the burden. She flung onto her bed and buried her head into her pillows and tears burst from her eyes dampening her sheets. Sakura had no idea what she had done or what she would do. Her emotions tormented her instead of giving comforting guidance. Her heart failed to direct her to her desire and now plagued her with endless pangs. Worst off, her mind failed to give a clear analysis but instead tortured her with images and memories. Sakura was lost in herself with no one to guide her out. Not even a glimpse of guidance. There was no escape and yet there was no solution.   
  
The conclusion was simple, for the last eight months, Sakura was a cloudy mess.  
  
Walking over to her desk, Sakura picked up a small grey teddy. Gazing at it studying its every feature, Sakura absorbed herself in her emotions focusing on every feeling and every sentiment. Then reaching into a drawer, Sakura pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled a quick note before sealing it into an envelope addressing it to Hong Kong.  
  
***  
  
Li stood on the balcony of his spacious house in Hong Kong. Funny how many times it rained in his homeland during the spring. The humid weather was gradually becoming warmer climbing to an inferno climax in July. His perpetually messy deep brown hair clung carelessly on his face from the soaking rain. Oddly enough, he had not even noticed the rain until his older sister held an umbrella over his head and nudged him to return inside.  
  
Li decided that the house had never been quieter since the death of his mother. Strangely enough, all his sisters seemed to immediately grow up, and mellow upon his return. The funeral procedures were long, complicated and ritualistic: mourning once every seven days for seven weeks and then additional mourning for one year. Ever since his return, Li had found himself left in solitude to his endless trains of thoughts and emotional turmoil. His sisters had attributed his attitude to the loss of his dear mother. They had figured Li was feeling guilty over spending years in Japan away from home.  
  
That was a lie.  
  
The only guilt Li was experiencing was that not one of the tears he shed was for his mother, and not one moment of grief was for his family. They were all for that girl he once sacrificed everything for. They were all for Sakura.  
  
He let her go in Japan when he returned home. Unlike the first time, he had nothing to work towards. There was no one waiting for him back at Japan. There was nothing left for him there, not even the brown-haired green-eyed girl he still treasures. Now there were just endless days ahead of him: a monotonous lifestyle that he had seen his mother lead. It was a lonely existence of routines and predictions. That was the very lifestyle he had fought so long and hard to escape. Luck once again sided elsewhere to drag him back to the very thing he had devoted his life in avoiding.  
  
He hadn't allowed himself to spear one second to think about how Sakura was now. He didn't think he was able to cope with reliving the memories of his loss. He left Japan just days after his mother's death and he hadn't seen or heard from Sakura in his last days there. In honest truth, he didn't want to see her. He was certain he would not be able to cope with seeing her beautiful figure again or seeing her smile, even a forced one, without shattering into pieces. So for eight unusually long months, Li had actively tried to block some of the most pleasant memories from his mind.   
  
Try as he might, Sakura persists in his existence.  
  
Li poked into his room head hung low legs dragging reluctantly behind him. That was the only other place he can escape from his family short of the balcony. He sank onto his bed completely apathetic of keeping his sheets clean and dry. He tossed about and turned to stare at his desk on the opposite side. A white envelop lay casually on its surface. He had received it several weeks ago but had never found the time nor interest to look at it. Despite the last eight months, it seemed as though his family had never gotten over the ordeal of his mother's death. The house was still solemn and grave. Slowly, Li pealed himself off the bed and dragged himself across the room to his desk. He picked up the letter that was left forgotten over the last several weeks as the wound from his departure from Japan began to rip itself open with fresh tender pain. He slowly picked up a letter knife and slid the envelope open.  
  
Feeling weak in his limbs from nervous anticipation, his frame began to shake and shiver ever so slightly and fresh tears had began to flood his eyes. He closed his eyes in an attempt to contain his tears but they have already broken through trailing down his cheek and soaking the envelope.  
  
Finding no more strength in his hands to reach inside and pull out the letter, Li tossed it back onto his desk and quickly turned away from his room and stormed back onto the balcony to find solitude where he can hide his tears and his thoughts.  
  
The note inside lay inside his room, hidden within the envelope, and forgotten once again.  
  
"I will be waiting"  
  
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Owari  



End file.
